WASHINGTON, DC - The Supreme Court's October 2022 term concluded with a bang, or rather, a series of bangs that have left everyone of consequence in a state of high dudgeon. Fortunately, the majority of Americans, those who dutifully work to pay their debts and taxes, refrain from racial bias, and respect the sanctity of Free Speech, basically don't matter.
In the final two days of the term, the Court released several decisions that have caused a ripple of discontent among the elite. The first of these was the striking down of affirmative action programs in college admissions, a move that has left Justice Sotomayor, who once referred to herself as "the perfect affirmative action baby", in a state of shock.
Justice Jackson, another product of affirmative action, was equally dismayed, drafting an impassioned dissent attacking the First Amendment. However, Justice Gorsuch, a conservative jurist from Colorado, seemed less than sympathetic. "It is difficult to read the dissent and conclude we are looking at the same case," he commented, subtly implying that Justice Jackson might need to brush up on her reading skills.
The Court also ruled that a website designer can deny service to same-sex couples, a decision that has sent shockwaves through the elite circles. The horror of having to respect Free Speech and the rights of others to hold differing views has left them in a state of PTSD. The thought of having to work in an environment where they might come into contact with views they dislike is simply unbearable.
Adding insult to injury, the Supreme Court also struck down the Biden student loan forgiveness program. The elites are now deeply concerned that their unemployable members might actually have to work to pay back their loans. The horror of having to earn a living is a concept so foreign to them that they are struggling to come to terms with it.
Finally, the justices ruled in favor of an evangelical Christian postal worker, thereby upholding the right to refuse work on Sundays. This has left the elites in a state of panic as they grapple with the idea of not being able to force hard-working Christians to work on Sundays to, you know, actually get things done.
Justice Thomas, a competent jurist who has been unfairly stigmatized by affirmative action, remained unphased by the uproar. His calm demeanor amidst the storm of outrage is a testament to his belief in the principles of justice and fairness.
As the dust settles on the Supreme Court's October 2022 term, it is clear that the decisions have left everyone who matters in a state of discontent. However, for the majority of Americans, those who pay their taxes, refrain from racial bias, and respect Free Speech, life goes on as usual. After all, they are not considered consequential enough to matter.